The Need
by KivaJayelle
Summary: Bonnie comes to terms with her all-consuming thoughts of Damon.  Set after "Rose 2x08". Lemony.  Adult Content.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I own nothing. A little Bamon itch that needed scratching. And yes, I'm still hard at work on 'Becoming Epic'.**

* * *

I have a need. Well, an obsession, truth be told. I've fought it. Oh, how I've fought! But despite all the wrong, murder and mayhem he's caused, I still crave contact with him, like an addict in search of the next fix. I'm hopeless and helpless to this need.

I know who I am. I know who he is. Yet I _still_ want, God help me.

I just need a taste. I'm very much like the mythical Pandora, who just _has_ to know. Like Eve, who needs to know what that forbidden fruit tastes like, I need to know the sounds, smells, texture and taste of his skin, his fluids.

I am consumed by my need. When, not _if_ I approach him, I just may be rebuffed. But I'm past the point of caring. It would be a small mercy if he did send me packing like the good little girl I'm reputed to be. Then, at least I could gather the shreds of my sanity and right-living back together and not be so riveted by him.

It's a bitter pill to swallow, that I've become one of the lemmings in the long line of females he's tagged. I thought I could overcome; I thought I was better than this base carnal need. I can't believe how wrong I was. Now I suffer nightly, lack of sleep messing with my ability to concentrate on the everyday chores in life. Metaphysically, I'm spent, leaving a trail of blood everywhere anytime I perform spells. Passing out for lack of the rest and renewal my body needs.

The day we took the werewolf (I can't bring myself to call him by his proper name, I was just as complicit in his death and I'll have to deal with that later), he looked at me even more oddly than he usually does. I know he must've smelled it on me. Which is why I've put a cloaking spell on him. No more pesky uncomfortable moments for me when we in the midst of fighting evil. He can't smell me now, and I always remember to keep extra underwear and wipes in my bag.

It's not love, there's no caring. There is just the _need._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks to the original five reviewers. I'll take you where you want to go-even if I have to PM it to you:)**

* * *

2.

The day after his gut-wrenching confession to his dearly-beloved Elena (yes, I eavesdropped), I decide that this may be the best time to make my case. Elena and Stefan have decided to take a day or so and have secludds themselves together in a remote cabin to renew their acquaintance. I think it was more to reassure Elena, since she was drinking vervain tea and has been thrown for a loop by Damon's confession and that gut-wrenching forehead kiss.

I arrive at the door of the boarding house, barely able to contain myself. I just want to pounce on him and have done with it without any niceties. I knock, but there's no answer. I decide to enter anyway, since neither brother would deny me entrance. Making my way from the hall to the great-room, I spy a huge fire going and two bodies barely-covered and reclining on the floor. This must be Rose. She acknowledges my presence first, gathering one of the blankets about her body. She inclines her head toward me in greeting, and then mumbles something about a shower and finding other accommodations. As she passes by me, she asks, "You'll be alright?" I give her a questioning side-eye. "Of course you will." She confirms for herself, moving out of the room

I turn my attention to Damon. The object of my obsession. My own personal demon. He's eased into a half-reclined position, one arm draped across a raised, naked knee. The blanket has slipped down to only cover his groin and upper thighs. It's only his eyes that keep me from rushing over to straddle him and take my pleasure.

They are deadened, his eyes. No flicker of humanity resides within that glacial stare of his. I am prey. I am food. I am the receptacle for his emissions. I'd be a liar if I said that this side didn't appeal to me, too on some level. But, I needed the personality within to make my case.

Rose must've set a land-water record for showering because the next thing I heard, the front door was closing firmly behind her.

"Why are you here, Bonnie?" he asked. Good, at least some part of his predator recognizes me. It's probably because I represent the pain stimulus which activates that instinctual hostility.

"I need to speak with, Damon," I say, treading carefully, bracing myself for a physical attack.

He cocks his head, as if he's wondering which of my limbs to rip off first. He takes a deep breath and stands naked in all his glory.

If I'd had a desk, my head would've connected to it, repeatedly. If the man wasn't a god, then surely he was fashioned lovingly by one. Thankfully, he interrupts my perusal of his form. "Sit down while I shower." He saunters past me to head for the stairs. Hell, if he hadn't offered the seat, my legs would've buckled underneath all that 'pretteh' anyway.

Oh, yeah. It would hardly do to approach this with the smell and leavings of another woman on him, would it?


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Dedicated to any of you who've ever experienced anything akin to what Bonnie's going through.**

* * *

One need not be a chamber to be haunted

One need not be a house

The brain has corridors

Surpassing material place

-Emily Dickinson

3.

I must be out of my mind! I struggle to rationalize, thinking that the door is just 40-odd steps away from me. All I have to do is keep walking. Yeah, right. In the aftermath of my cowardly retreat, I would continue to struggle daily, trying to keep the truth of me from being found out.

That's NOT a conversation you have with your best girlfriend and object of his affections. I get the sense that if Elena's not conflicted already, she soon will be. If the girl had any damned sense, she would have made herself the filling to their sandwich. She could totally accomplish that, way better than that psychopath Katherine ever did.

I shiver. I can't help it. It's not the cold, it's my body's reaction to thinking of any carnal situation involving Damon. I fold my arms, trying to smooth away the gooseflesh raised. The intensity of my need ramps up a notch or two. I feel my nose start to clog and the smart of tears. All this physical reaction for want of him. I find myself wishing I too, had a nifty emotional switch. It would make doing what needs to be done on daily basis so much easier.

Soon, I hear footfalls. That's odd, he must be in a worse emotional state than I thought. His usual mode is to do that disturbing Stealth Salvatore***** thing he does to gain the element of surprise over those he views as lesser folk. As he enters the room, I can't help quipping, "That was quite an entrance."

Making his way to the wet bar barefoot, and covered in fresh dark jeans and a black t-shirt, he throws me a fleeting smile. It's really just a movement of muscle memory, the authenticity of his baring of teeth never quite reaches his eyes. "I know how much you hate that. Something tells me you're not in the mood to be played with today."

Well…maybe not in the traditional way in which we usually square off.

As he pours himself a drink, I'm aware that Damon's back in the saddle, based upon our little exchange. But he soon grows impatient. I'm guessing he wants to retreat back to that place where nothing can hurt him.

Turning to face me, "Why have you come?" He asks, disinterest lacing the tone in his voice.

Gathering my will, I push myself to stand. Squaring my shoulders, I look at him. "I need a favor."

He eyes me curiously. "Why ask me? Surely there are other more qualified people who would jump at the chance to help you out. At least then, you won't have been sullied by having dealt with me."

I shake my head. "I don't need help moving furniture. It's only something _you_ can help me with."

Now, he looks amused. Granted, he's scandalously fetching, but I don't like that particular look directed at me. "And just what is it you think I could or would do for you?"

I close my eyes. It's my moment, my time. I never imagined I could be nervous, but I am. I try to approach this delicately with him, not wanting to sound like some desperate female, complete with heaving bosom…although really, that _is_ what I have been reduced to.

Damn it, there goes that thing with my nose again! The tears I've managed to hold back mere minutes before are now in free fall. Way to be confident and seductive, Bonnie! He's really gonna want to ravish a sniveling kid who can't even come out and tell him what she wants.

The next thing I know, he's done that thing where he invades my personal space. He looks slightly alarmed at my display. Damon even reaches out a hand, like he wants to touch me, but thinks the better of it. "Bonnie? What's wrong? Have you done something?"

I look up to steal a glance at his face. Sighing, I respond. "Oh yeah, I've done something alright."

"What is it?"

Gathering my nerve again, I press on. "I'm not sleeping, not really eating. My everyday life has turned to crap since I can't focus on school, hell I barely made it over here in my car. Even my spells have gone to shit. I need your help to get my life back to normal."

"Let's hear it."

I frown up at him and begin to pace the length of the couch as I continue to rail, pulling fingers through my hair. "This is so stupid! And be-spelling you-_not_ my finest hour! If only I could get control of myself, I wouldn't even _be_ here. I should've taken anti-depressants, which kills it but would've suppressed my magic, too…"

I was cut off abruptly by that signature stealth move of his, slamming face-first into his cotton-covered chest. Oh hell, I'm a goner anyway. I rub my lips ever so slowly in a line across the middle of chest. I open my mouth to lick a wet path, but Damon grabs my upper arms, pulling me away. _Sonofa…_

I look up at him to protest having been deprived of my first taste of him, to find him piercing me with a glare. "You spelled me? Why? When?" Each of his questions is accompanied by a small shake.

I give a defeated sigh. "I'll undo it. Just let go of me." He releases me and I skitter behind the couch, trying to reach minimum safe distance, before I subject myself to further embarrassment and debasement by throwing myself at his feet like some fan-girl.

Reciting a brief incantation, I snap my fingers and undo the spell. "Take a whiff, Damon," I mutter bitterly.

Damon's eyeing me again with that amused and curious gaze of his. Once I've released the spell, his look turns incredulous. He narrows his eyes, taking a deep breath. "Are you _kidding_ me?"

I worry my lip with my teeth, trying to figure out how best to answer. "Yeah," was about all I could muster in confirmation.

Disbelief warred with surprise in his expression. "You're here to...with _me_?"

I roll my eyes. "Unfortunately, yes. Now, would you please do me a solid and be accommodating?"

A genuine grin spread across his face.

"Well, this is an interesting development. Bonnie Bennett brought low by hormones and the irresistible charms of one Damon Salvatore."

A raise a hand, hoping to shut off the flow of his teasing tone. "I don't need your jibes, I just need to borrow your body for a time."

"You talk as though I'm some sort of blow-up doll to be taken out and used for your pleasure."

He was one to talk. So, in a mocking tone, I counter. "Isn't that pretty much the way you used Caroline? How 'bout those Tri-Delts, Damon? Use that super-dick of yours for a noble cause for once and put something in the positive column of your karma bank."

I'll be damned if he didn't throw me for a loop with his analysis. I figured he'd just turn me down flat or hop to it. "How's this going to make you feel in the morning? I know I'll be able to function as usual, but you strike me as the hearts, flowers and one-true-paring kinda girl. Besides, once you go Damon-"

I interrupt him."Yeah, Don't really see a path of girls beating down your door." I interrupt snidely. "I mean how good could you possibly be?"

"Little girl, I could probably give Casanova a run for his money."

Well…"If that's the case, maybe you shouldn't touch me."

He cocked his eye to the side. "Come again? How's this supposed to work if I can't touch you?"

I lick my bottom lip, trying to suss out a possible idea. "If I tied you to your bed physically, magically enhancing your bonds, you couldn't touch me, and that would help you avoid any messy girly-emotional aftermath."

"Damn, Bonnie. Never figured you for the BDSM type."

"Never said I was. But in order for this to happen I need to be in control of this."

I tried to reason with him. "Look. If I could function normally, I could deal, but I just need to…It's the only way I can't think of to rid myself of this-whatever it is."

Now, he's gotten closer to me and begins strolling around me, assessing me like I'm merchandise he's contemplating taking for a test-drive. Oh, please do!

"You're kinda cute and all, but what would my sainted brother think? Elena?"

I attempt to stifle an eye roll. "Look, I have no problem keeping this to myself. It's you who's inclined to mouth off at totally inappropriate moments."

I play my trump card. "I've seen the signs and portents. Something wicked this way comes. We'll all need to be at our best if we're going to protect Elena. Hell, you can just lie back, close your eyes and pretend I'm her for all I care. I just need to get this done."

Damon pauses to stand directly in front of me. If I'm not mistaken, there's a…_heat_ to his gaze as he drags those eyes from the top of my head to my toes, leaving a scorching trail in the wake of his perusal. I struggle to stifle a whimper as my traitorous core lets loose another fresh deposit into my underwear.

The ass has the nerve to let his eyes flutter closed, as he draws in a lung full of air-of my personal perfume. Once he's gotten his fill, he's smug enough to open those amazing eyes of his and slowly smile at me. Y'all know the one I'm talking about. That grin that says he knows all your dirty little secrets and has the memory of your naked body seared into his memory. It's that same smile usually reserved for Elena. Well, _that's_ new.

"I don't need to picture Elena. You're enough of a temptation all on your own merit."

I grimace, trying to not to let his statement mean more than what it does. I wish I could convey the message to my clit, which has taken to going _thump! thump!_ If the damned thing had possessed a voice, it would've shattered all the windows in this house. That's how bad this need of mine has become.

As if he's challenging my nerve, he goads. "Alright. Seal it with a kiss."

I close my eyes as a shiver runs through me. I _finally _get to have him! I manage to whisper, "If you kiss me now, I'm not going to make it up those stairs." I open my eyes to drive my points home.

Damon must've read something in my expression, because he's stopped with the excuses and teasing.

"Fine. Upstairs." He wastes no time, grabbing one of my hands and I follow docile as he leads me to his room.

* * *

*****Term coined by Cindy McLennan.


End file.
